 In our times, multitasking is the norm. Many organizations list the ability to multitask effectively as a top requirement across a variety of job descriptions. We pride ourselves on being able to do two things at once in order to save time and, theoretically, be more productive. But research shows this may not be the case. It makes you think twiceIt is possible to do two things at once. However, multitasking is actually just switching our attention back-and-forth quickly between two cognitive tasks. And, when we divide our attention, we make more mistakes and end up taking longer to complete the tasks. In essence, we are really "multiswitching." Dr. Travis Bradberry, a leading expert on emotional intelligence and published author, says that multitasking may be damaging our brains. He points to research from Stanford University which compared groups of people based on their tendency to multitask and their belief that it helps their performance. They found that heavy multitaskers - those who multitask a lot and feel that it boosts their performance - were actually worse at multitasking than those who like to do a single thing at a time. The frequent multitaskers performed worse because they had more trouble organizing their thoughts and filtering out irrelevant information, and they were slower at switching from one task to another. 
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 | Charles Gosset is a Certified Professional Life and Leadership Coach (CPC) and founder of Full Integration Coaching, LLC. He helps big-hearted people with huge drive lead exceptional lives. You can find out more about him and the transformational services he offers by visiting: www.fullintegrationcoaching.com. |
With so many things competing for our attention everyday, it's no wonder that we are so easily distracted. From cell phone notifications, 24 hours news, and ads designed to make us look and listen, our fast paced lives often have us going in two directions at once. And in a world filled with distractions, it's hard to focus on the only moment that we really have - the present.
The negative effects of distraction include:
• higher stress levels
• decreased engagement
• increased difficulty in completing complex tasks
• inattentiveness to detail
• slower response times to stimuli
• reduced effectiveness
How distracted are you? Click or tap the image below to take a 1 minute online quiz to find out (desktop or laptop computer).
The negative effects of distraction include:
• higher stress levels
• decreased engagement
• increased difficulty in completing complex tasks
• inattentiveness to detail
• slower response times to stimuli
• reduced effectiveness
How distracted are you? Click or tap the image below to take a 1 minute online quiz to find out (desktop or laptop computer).
How'd you do? If you did well, congratulations, you tend to be able to focus on relevant information when potential distractions come up. (Oh yeah, and how many times did you start over? 😮) If you didn't do so hot, you're not alone. Millions of people are right there with you. Don't worry too much about the results. The important thing is to know you have the power to reduce distractions, improve focus, lower stress, and add a little more happiness into your life by staying in the present moment more often.
Here are some tools to help you recognize when you're present and in the moment, and some tips to help get you there when you're not.
Mindful Check-In
The mindful check-in is a simple tool you can use to gauge how present you are by asking yourself these 4 reflective questions:
1.) How are you feeling? (label 1-3 emotions: happy, sad, afraid, stressed, angry, etc.)
2.) What are you thinking about? (just notice your thoughts)
3.) What body sensations are you aware of? (just notice the body)
4.) How is your presence? (low, moderate, high)
• How aware are you of where you're at right now?
• How aware are you of what you're doing right now?
Engagement Scale
The engagement scale is a tool you can use to give you a sense of how connected you are with the task at hand. Ask yourself the following:
On a scale of 1-10, how emotionally and mentally involved are you in what you’re doing and who you’re with right now?
• 1 = not at all, I’m outta here (low presence, low focus)
• 10 = maxed out, I’m all in (high presence, high focus)
Mindful Check-In
The mindful check-in is a simple tool you can use to gauge how present you are by asking yourself these 4 reflective questions:
1.) How are you feeling? (label 1-3 emotions: happy, sad, afraid, stressed, angry, etc.)
2.) What are you thinking about? (just notice your thoughts)
3.) What body sensations are you aware of? (just notice the body)
4.) How is your presence? (low, moderate, high)
• How aware are you of where you're at right now?
• How aware are you of what you're doing right now?
Engagement Scale
The engagement scale is a tool you can use to give you a sense of how connected you are with the task at hand. Ask yourself the following:
On a scale of 1-10, how emotionally and mentally involved are you in what you’re doing and who you’re with right now?
• 1 = not at all, I’m outta here (low presence, low focus)
• 10 = maxed out, I’m all in (high presence, high focus)
Use these 5 tips to get you back...to the present
1.) Practice doing one thing at a time (single tasking)
2.) Use your 5 senses to connect with your surroundings
3.) Take short breaks every hour to refresh your mind
4.) Mute cell phone notifications whenever possible
5.) Eliminate obvious distractions in your immediate environment
What are you doing to recognize when you're present and in the moment (and how will you get there when you're not)? Share your answers in the comments below!
1.) Practice doing one thing at a time (single tasking)
2.) Use your 5 senses to connect with your surroundings
3.) Take short breaks every hour to refresh your mind
4.) Mute cell phone notifications whenever possible
5.) Eliminate obvious distractions in your immediate environment
What are you doing to recognize when you're present and in the moment (and how will you get there when you're not)? Share your answers in the comments below!
Charles Gosset is a Certified Professional Life and Leadership Coach (CPC) and founder of Full Integration Coaching, LLC. He helps big-hearted people with huge drive lead exceptional lives. You can find out more about him and the transformational services he offers by visiting: www.fullintegrationcoaching.com.
Let’s face it, we live in largely pessimistic and cynical times. We’re bombarded from every direction with bad news, hateful talk, and anxiety about the state of our world. This is NOT the whole story, though it may seem like it some days. The world around us may be telling us to look at the bad, but you can choose to look for the good.
Much of living a happier, more fulfilling life depends on your perspective and the choices that you make. That's where attitude comes in. Attitude can be defined as: "a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior." Attitude can also be known as your viewpoint, perspective, stance, temper, or inclination.
In a very real way, attitude is everything. It governs the way you perceive the world and the way the world perceives you. Each of us encounters hard times, hurt feelings, heartache, and physical and emotional pain. We also have our share of good times, joy and contentment. The key is to realize it’s not WHAT happens to you that matters; it’s HOW you choose to respond.
Attitude may be the one thing you can most affect that most affects everything else. American philosopher and psychologist William James said, “The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human can alter his life by altering his attitude.” On the other hand, “A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can’t go anywhere until you change it.”
Much of living a happier, more fulfilling life depends on your perspective and the choices that you make. That's where attitude comes in. Attitude can be defined as: "a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior." Attitude can also be known as your viewpoint, perspective, stance, temper, or inclination.
In a very real way, attitude is everything. It governs the way you perceive the world and the way the world perceives you. Each of us encounters hard times, hurt feelings, heartache, and physical and emotional pain. We also have our share of good times, joy and contentment. The key is to realize it’s not WHAT happens to you that matters; it’s HOW you choose to respond.
Attitude may be the one thing you can most affect that most affects everything else. American philosopher and psychologist William James said, “The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human can alter his life by altering his attitude.” On the other hand, “A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can’t go anywhere until you change it.”
Here are 5 questions you can ask yourself to help you look for the good:
• What’s going well for you right now?
• What’s right with the world?
• What was missing in your life that you have now?
• What’s the best thing about your job?
• What are your 5 greatest strengths?
Add your own questions and share some goodness in the comments below!
• What’s going well for you right now?
• What’s right with the world?
• What was missing in your life that you have now?
• What’s the best thing about your job?
• What are your 5 greatest strengths?
Add your own questions and share some goodness in the comments below!
Charles Gosset is a Certified Professional Life and Leadership Coach (CPC) and founder of Full Integration Coaching, LLC. He helps big-hearted people with huge drive lead exceptional lives. You can find out more about him and the transformational services he offers by visiting www.fullintegrationcoaching.com.
"Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it,
I must listen to my life telling me who I am."
- Parker J. Palmer
I must listen to my life telling me who I am."
- Parker J. Palmer
What is a pilgrimage?
Essentially a pilgrimage is a journey. A journey that changes you. It would seem that human beings have made pilgrimages as long as they've been able to walk. The Greeks, Israelites, Mayans, Chinese, Christians, Muslims, and a variety of other peoples and religions throughout history have always taken long, often arduous, journeys toward some new understanding about their lives and the world they lived in. The journey itself was just as important as the destination, if not more so. Our ancient ancestors may have something to teach us about ourselves in our own times.
In today's world, pilgrimage has taken on new meanings for those who may or may not identify with a particular faith tradition. Millions of people increasingly identify as "spiritual but not religious" or may classify themselves as "nones," no religion at all. But at the same time, an estimated 300 to 330 million "spiritual tourists" visit significant religious sites every year. Why is this? What are they looking for?
They're looking for different things: from reclaiming a faith long abandoned, to hopes for healing, or clarity around an overwhelming decision. People today, just as much as at any point in history, are looking for something more than the status quo when the status quo can no longer sustain their lives. They're searching for new perspectives, relief from unending busyness, and deeper and more meaningful connections to themselves and their work. They want to encounter a simpler way to be in an increasingly complicated, and an ever more rapidly changing, world. They're hoping to go away on a journey that will bring them back to some greater sense of what it means to be at home in this life.
In today's world, pilgrimage has taken on new meanings for those who may or may not identify with a particular faith tradition. Millions of people increasingly identify as "spiritual but not religious" or may classify themselves as "nones," no religion at all. But at the same time, an estimated 300 to 330 million "spiritual tourists" visit significant religious sites every year. Why is this? What are they looking for?
They're looking for different things: from reclaiming a faith long abandoned, to hopes for healing, or clarity around an overwhelming decision. People today, just as much as at any point in history, are looking for something more than the status quo when the status quo can no longer sustain their lives. They're searching for new perspectives, relief from unending busyness, and deeper and more meaningful connections to themselves and their work. They want to encounter a simpler way to be in an increasingly complicated, and an ever more rapidly changing, world. They're hoping to go away on a journey that will bring them back to some greater sense of what it means to be at home in this life.
“Faith is not the clinging to a shrine but an endless pilgrimage of the heart.”
- Abraham Joshua Heschel
Tips for taking an everyday pilgrimage
Some people set out on long journeys to far off lands for pilgrimage, but it's possible to treat each day as a sort of pilgrimage right where you are. Even the simplest tasks and most boring of routines hold opportunities for deeper meaning and happiness. And so do the daily struggles and disappointments. Here are a few tips to get you started on an everyday pilgrimage of work and life:
1.) Set an intention for the day. Take a few minutes in the morning to withdraw and reflect on how you want to participate in this day. What's most important for your journey at work? What's been calling for your attention at home? What's something you would like to practice doing today (being grateful, less reactive, more open to change, etc.)? You can pray, meditate, or read something inspirational to help you gain clarity on your highest intention for the day.
2.) Be open to new perspectives. Sometimes having it all figured out keeps us stuck on the path. Try to let go of old ideas and familiar mental stories about work and home life. Allow new ideas and insights to come to you as you look for things you may have been missing. Challenge yourself to stay open minded and courageous as you face the day willing to learn something new.
3.) Go out of your way to help others. Sacrifice is part of any pilgrimage, and helping others is one way to live out this part of the daily journey. Notice small opportunities to practice random acts of kindness, from opening a door, saying "hi" as you walk past a stranger, or making the extra effort to really listen to someone else without just waiting for your chance to respond.
4.) Reflect on the journey so far. Take a few minutes towards the middle of the day to check in and see how you're doing up to now. Do you remember your intention? Are you staying open to new perspectives? Have you been helpful to others? Use this step as a milestone to measure how far you've come, and how you plan to continue with the journey ahead.
5.) Be prepared to find what you're looking for. Each day is filled with meaningful encounters and life-changing moments, if you're ready to see them. Expect that the pain, frustration, or sadness that you have been experiencing is leading to a greater purpose. Pain has been cleansing you of what you thought could bring you lasting happiness. Anger has been burning through your misunderstanding. Tears have been clearing the way for new living waters. Always be ready to find what you've been seeking.
6.) Bringing the journey back home. Before bed, reflect on highlights from the day. What did you learn? What went well? What didn't? What's different now? How does this change your life at work and home? Whatever you experience, allow it to change you a little at a time for the journeys to come.
1.) Set an intention for the day. Take a few minutes in the morning to withdraw and reflect on how you want to participate in this day. What's most important for your journey at work? What's been calling for your attention at home? What's something you would like to practice doing today (being grateful, less reactive, more open to change, etc.)? You can pray, meditate, or read something inspirational to help you gain clarity on your highest intention for the day.
2.) Be open to new perspectives. Sometimes having it all figured out keeps us stuck on the path. Try to let go of old ideas and familiar mental stories about work and home life. Allow new ideas and insights to come to you as you look for things you may have been missing. Challenge yourself to stay open minded and courageous as you face the day willing to learn something new.
3.) Go out of your way to help others. Sacrifice is part of any pilgrimage, and helping others is one way to live out this part of the daily journey. Notice small opportunities to practice random acts of kindness, from opening a door, saying "hi" as you walk past a stranger, or making the extra effort to really listen to someone else without just waiting for your chance to respond.
4.) Reflect on the journey so far. Take a few minutes towards the middle of the day to check in and see how you're doing up to now. Do you remember your intention? Are you staying open to new perspectives? Have you been helpful to others? Use this step as a milestone to measure how far you've come, and how you plan to continue with the journey ahead.
5.) Be prepared to find what you're looking for. Each day is filled with meaningful encounters and life-changing moments, if you're ready to see them. Expect that the pain, frustration, or sadness that you have been experiencing is leading to a greater purpose. Pain has been cleansing you of what you thought could bring you lasting happiness. Anger has been burning through your misunderstanding. Tears have been clearing the way for new living waters. Always be ready to find what you've been seeking.
6.) Bringing the journey back home. Before bed, reflect on highlights from the day. What did you learn? What went well? What didn't? What's different now? How does this change your life at work and home? Whatever you experience, allow it to change you a little at a time for the journeys to come.
Learn how to turn daily routines, struggles, and disappointments into opportunities for awakening and fulfillment. Discover your sense of purpose and passion! TAP or CLICK the image above the learn more about this rejuvenating, life-changing experience.
 | Charles Gosset is a Certified Professional Life and Leadership Coach (CPC) and founder of Full Integration Coaching, LLC. He helps big-hearted people with huge drive lead exceptional lives. You can find out more about him and the transformational services he offers by visiting: www.fullintegrationcoaching.com. |
FEATURED FAST FACTS
Name:
Christopher Odongo
Lives In:
Uganda, Africa
What Sets Him Apart:
Christopher is a visionary servant leader with experience beyond his years.
Christopher Odongo
Lives In:
Uganda, Africa
What Sets Him Apart:
Christopher is a visionary servant leader with experience beyond his years.
Full Integration Featured Clients
This is the first in a new occasional series of blog posts in which I will be highlighting a coaching client who has agreed to allow me to take a more in-depth look at their unique life story, as well as their coaching journey with me so far. I hope you enjoy the series and I invite you to join the discussion in the comments section below.
Meet Christopher
Have you ever met someone who was so passionate that it inspired you to become a better person just for knowing them? I have, and his name is Christopher Odongo. A warm-hearted and good natured person to the core, Christopher is also relentlessly committed to his faith, to his family, and to his vision of creating a brighter future for the people of Uganda, Africa.
I first learned about Christopher from my sister's description of him following one of three mission trips she took to Uganda a few years ago. The way that she described his passion and ability to inspire others was something I immediately felt from our very first Skype session. Christopher has an infectious optimism that he freely shares with everyone he meets, and you can't help but be moved by his big love and even bigger ideas.
But it wasn't always this way. Christopher had the kind of childhood that most of us couldn't imagine in our worst nightmares. The violence of Uganda's 20 year war was raging through the country during Christopher's early years, and it found its way into his village. When he was just 6 years old, Christopher's father was brutally killed in front of his eyes as he and his mother looked on in horror. Together they managed to flee their village shortly after, as their homes were burned to the ground behind them. They were chased to another village, only to have the same thing happen again. Finally, they managed to escape to the bush, eating what they could find until they could travel safely again. Christopher and his mother settled in the city of Lira, Uganda where Chris was later forced to live on the street and was beaten regularly by locals due to his unpopular decision to become a Christian.
But it wasn't always this way. Christopher had the kind of childhood that most of us couldn't imagine in our worst nightmares. The violence of Uganda's 20 year war was raging through the country during Christopher's early years, and it found its way into his village. When he was just 6 years old, Christopher's father was brutally killed in front of his eyes as he and his mother looked on in horror. Together they managed to flee their village shortly after, as their homes were burned to the ground behind them. They were chased to another village, only to have the same thing happen again. Finally, they managed to escape to the bush, eating what they could find until they could travel safely again. Christopher and his mother settled in the city of Lira, Uganda where Chris was later forced to live on the street and was beaten regularly by locals due to his unpopular decision to become a Christian.
Christopher has gone on to not only survive unimaginable hardships, but he has seized numerous opportunities over the years to receive extensive leadership training and is currently completing his graduate school studies to earn a Masters of Divinity degree. He has served several NGO's at the local, community, and national levels and has provided training for nearly 1,500 leaders weekly in remote villages of northern Uganda. And, as you can see from the picture below, he loves his precious family with all his heart. Not pictured is the newest addition, Charles Odongo, and the four children of his relatives and friends that they care for full time as well.
Christopher, wife Joy, and their three children (from left to right) Nathan, Zoe, and Rosalind
A New Dream
Within minutes of our first Skype coaching session, I knew that Christopher was an exceptional person. He inspired me, challenged me, and gave me a completely different view of the world from a very personal level. He was highly motivated and I could tell he had that something special. And, he revealed to me his remarkable new dream for his people.
"People in my country have forgotten how to smile. But now I have found my smile again, and I want to give my people a reason to smile again too."
After I posted Mission 2016: 10 Steps for Goal Setting Success, Christopher told me how much it had meant to him in understanding the ways he had been holding himself back. He described how a majority of Ugandans have so many fears and so much trauma that they end up living in the past, instead of looking to the future. They don't set new goals because they have simply given up hope. Hope for a better future. Hope for a happy life. Hope for a peaceful nation. Hope for clean drinking water. It often seems easier to just give up hope altogether rather than to have their hopes crushed again. And when there's no reason to hope, then there's no reason to smile. But Christopher began to see beyond this pervasive hopeless mindset. And although he had experienced profound hopelessness firsthand, he had found a way to remember how to smile again. Why shouldn't his people? He shared with me, "People in my country have forgotten how to smile. But now I have found my smile again, and I want to give my people a reason to smile again too." This was a massive breakthrough and new living waters were beginning to flow.
Christopher had begun to ask himself an enormous question in between our sessions: "How can I begin to think for my people?" That one question sent shivers down my spine when I heard him say it, and it's happening again now. I have never met a person who has asked a question that big and with such power, love and humility. People like Christopher change the world and make it the kind of place we all would like to live in.
Christopher teaching leaders in a local village in northern Uganda.
Shelter of Smiles
Chris has a vision that is both large in scale and specific in scope. He calls it Shelter of Smiles. Essentially he wants to create small community shelters, starting in northern Uganda, where a variety of essential services are provided to those in need. As a result of attending to the basic needs of the people, the goal is to then genuinely give his people something to smile about again. Shelter of Smiles aims to help provide: education for orphans and vulnerable youth, housing for homeless orphans, psychological and behavioral support, access to clean drinking water, fair housing for vulnerable widows and elders, nutritional food for malnourished children, livelihoods programs, and programs which aim to reduce the rate of domestic and gender based violence.
The first project on the list for Shelter of Smiles was a clean water program in Christopher's village of Barapwo Te Dam. Clean, safe drinking water was not always available there and there was no pump of any kind. The water used to be collected from a local spring through a single pipe when supply was good, and was collected from other less sanitary sources when the supply was low. The nearest source of safe drinking water for the village is nearly half a mile away, and villagers from surrounding areas walk several miles to reach this same source. The pictures below show the village water source before and after the well improvement project .
 Click to enlarge. |  Click to enlarge. |
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Moving forward
Since day one, Christopher has continued to make remarkable progress with his vision and his goals. He suffers semi-regular bouts of malaria, works tirelessly, travels by motorcycle on dangerous dirt roads, and occasionally runs by foot to meet for our sessions. Chris has successfully assembled an initial leadership team, has overseen the completion of the village water project, and has registered Shelter of Smiles Uganda as an official Non-Governmental Organization (NGO). Recently, he's turned his sights to securing educational and vocational sponsorships for local children in abject poverty. Plans are also under way to launch a website with information about upcoming projects, along with ways to join with Shelter of Smiles' mission of contributing to safe, clean drinking wager, health care services, quality eduction and spiritual development through leadership training and strategic partnerships.
The needs in Uganda are tremendous, from lack of safe drinking water, to malnutrition, crippling economic inflation, and an epidemic number of orphaned children due to years of civil war and political unrest. In the midst of all of this, Christopher always strives to look for the opportunities in even the greatest challenges. He is a respected community builder and leader in his village, is highly active in his church, and is a loving and supportive father and husband. In the very face of these challenges, Christopher Odongo aims to brings smiles of hope to a people longing for a brighter future.
Learn more and follow with Shelter of Smiles on Facebook at www.facebook.com/shelterofsmilesuganda.
The needs in Uganda are tremendous, from lack of safe drinking water, to malnutrition, crippling economic inflation, and an epidemic number of orphaned children due to years of civil war and political unrest. In the midst of all of this, Christopher always strives to look for the opportunities in even the greatest challenges. He is a respected community builder and leader in his village, is highly active in his church, and is a loving and supportive father and husband. In the very face of these challenges, Christopher Odongo aims to brings smiles of hope to a people longing for a brighter future.
Learn more and follow with Shelter of Smiles on Facebook at www.facebook.com/shelterofsmilesuganda.
Image credit: xvire1969 on flickr
The focus: The overwhelming majority of people who make New Year's resolutions fail to meet their goals.
The opportunity: Poor goal setting strategies are often to blame.
The solution: Use these 10 tips for goal setting success and make this year the best one yet!
The opportunity: Poor goal setting strategies are often to blame.
The solution: Use these 10 tips for goal setting success and make this year the best one yet!
If you've ever made a New Year's resolution and not stuck with it, don't worry - you're far from alone. Research shows that approximately 45% of Americans make New Year's resolutions, and of these a staggeringly high 75% fail to accomplish their goals. Whether you've made resolutions, or if you simply have personal and professional goals that you want to achieve, effective goal setting is at the very center of your chances for success.
Why New Year's resolutions don't work
There are a number of reasons why we don't reach the finish line with our resolutions or important goals, but here are the 6 that top the list in my experience.
1.) No clear plan
You may have heard the quote attributed to Benjamin Franklin that goes, "Failing to plan is planning to fail." Similarly, the French author Antoine de Saint Exupéry is credited with saying, "A goal without a plan is just a wish." Nothing rings truer when it comes to setting and keeping your goals. No matter how determined, motivated, and heartfelt you are, if you don't have a plan then you won't have success.
2.) "Should do's" versus "Want to's"
There's a big difference between doing something that you think you "should do" versus doing something because you genuinely "want to." Most often, when you believe you "should" do something, you're not really that into it for one reason or another. For example if you say, "I 'should' lose 10 pounds," you could mean that you don't actually want to do it, but that you might look more like the airbrushed picture on the cover of the magazine if you did. On the other hand if you say, "I 'want' to lose 10 pounds," you could be saying that you would like to lose the extra weight so that you can feel healthier, have more energy, and fit into those pants you love.
3.) Unrealistic
So many of the goals we set for ourselves are unrealistic and therefore unachievable from the start. You might have a goal for yourself that is so complicated that you'd need Albert Einstein to come back from the dead and invent a new equation to solve it. As he famously said, "If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough." Or, if it's not too complicated, you may be making yourself wait too long to experience small victories along the way to a larger one. This can be frustrating and can sap your motivation to stay the course. You may also be forgetting to prioritize your goals effectively, which can leave you spinning and chasing something just outside of your grasp. Last, but not least, you might feel like you either want it all right now or not at all. This is possibly the most challenging culprit in setting unrealistic goals and takes a complete change in mindset to overcome.
1.) No clear plan
You may have heard the quote attributed to Benjamin Franklin that goes, "Failing to plan is planning to fail." Similarly, the French author Antoine de Saint Exupéry is credited with saying, "A goal without a plan is just a wish." Nothing rings truer when it comes to setting and keeping your goals. No matter how determined, motivated, and heartfelt you are, if you don't have a plan then you won't have success.
2.) "Should do's" versus "Want to's"
There's a big difference between doing something that you think you "should do" versus doing something because you genuinely "want to." Most often, when you believe you "should" do something, you're not really that into it for one reason or another. For example if you say, "I 'should' lose 10 pounds," you could mean that you don't actually want to do it, but that you might look more like the airbrushed picture on the cover of the magazine if you did. On the other hand if you say, "I 'want' to lose 10 pounds," you could be saying that you would like to lose the extra weight so that you can feel healthier, have more energy, and fit into those pants you love.
3.) Unrealistic
So many of the goals we set for ourselves are unrealistic and therefore unachievable from the start. You might have a goal for yourself that is so complicated that you'd need Albert Einstein to come back from the dead and invent a new equation to solve it. As he famously said, "If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough." Or, if it's not too complicated, you may be making yourself wait too long to experience small victories along the way to a larger one. This can be frustrating and can sap your motivation to stay the course. You may also be forgetting to prioritize your goals effectively, which can leave you spinning and chasing something just outside of your grasp. Last, but not least, you might feel like you either want it all right now or not at all. This is possibly the most challenging culprit in setting unrealistic goals and takes a complete change in mindset to overcome.
If you don't have a plan then you won't have success.
4.) The inner critic
The inner critic is that small voice inside that tells you that you can't do it, you're not good enough, and that you shouldn't even try because you might fail. It's the inner judge, jury, and executioner of your biggest goals and most important dreams. As I wrote in a previous post, your inner critic is looking for what's wrong, what's missing, what's impossible. Instead of listening to this unwelcome intruder, learn to tap into your inner champion which is the voice inside of you that knows better. If you only listen to your inner critic, it will continue to dominate your thought life, keeping you from ever fully accomplishing your goals.
5.) No passion or purpose
Setting goals is more than just the mechanical work of thinking them up, writing them down, and working them out. They should also be relevant to who you are and to what moves your soul. One inspiring quote from an unknown author says, "Purpose is the reason for your journey. Passion is the fire that lights the way." I love this! Think of purpose as your big "Why?" and passion and your big "Wow!" When you lack a sense of purpose or passion, staying motivated is often an uphill battle. But, when you can stay connected with your sense of purpose and passion in relation to your goals, then you can keep the fire going to the end without burning out or extinguishing the flame.
6.) Quitting before the miracle happens
I've done it, you've done it, we've all done it. We give up too soon because we can't see the end of the road and we think it will never come. One reason for this is not acknowledging your progress along the way. When you don't give yourself credit for your small accomplishments, it's just like they never even happened as far as your mind is concerned. What you pay attention to grows, and what you ignore fades and dies. Be sure to recognize your progress as you go and you'll last longer. Another reason we quit too soon is that we might think it only takes about 21 days to form a new habit based on information from a couple of decades ago. This is no longer true. The newest research shows that it actually takes us more like 66 days, which is just about 2 months. Give yourself more time to reach your goals and you increase your chances of attaining them. And likely the biggest reason we give up early is that we have little or no accountability to another person. Get an accountability partner that you can trust to keep you honest, encouraged, and on target and you are saying YES to success.
Purpose is the reason for your journey. Passion is the fire that lights the way.
Image Credit: mamakanaynay on deviantart
10 tips for goal setting success
Now that you know why New Year's resolutions don't work, try these tips to make this the best year yet!
1.) Forget resolutions! Set goals instead.
Give up on those tired old ways of making changes in your life and start over with an all new approach to goal setting success.
2.) Do it because you want to.
Throw out the "should do's" and let in the "want to's." Make the goals you set for yourself something that you want to do - at least mostly. The more you honestly want to make a change, the more motivated you will be in seeing it all the way through.
3.) Practice being grateful for the good stuff you already have.
Instead of focussing on what's missing from your life, focus on what you already have to be grateful for. Good health, good friends, enough food to eat, water to drink, clothes to wear, the kindness of a stranger, the warmth of the sun, the beauty of your lover, the wonder in your children's eyes, and the list goes on and on. Start small and build from there. Take opportunities for noticing what is good and right in the world. It goes a long way toward helping you feel more satisfied with your life as it is now, while you pursue your goals and dreams into an even better future.
4.) Connect with your values and sense of purpose and passion.
Remember that your goals should move you on a deeper level than just your brain. Take your heart with you and you'll be able to go the distance. Tap into your most important personal guiding principles, deepest reasons for why you have your goals, and the inspiring feelings that keep your fire burning to pursue them. Then there's no holding you back! If you're unsure about what your real goals are, start here and then develop goals that really move you.
5.) Clearly define a specific outcome you want to achieve for each of your goals.
Be as crystal clear as you possibly can about the results you want to see from your goals. Don't settle for any wishy-washy outcomes. Dig in and state your expectations in a way that leaves no room for doubt.
6.) Ensure that your goals are realistic but also require you to stretch.
No need to be an Einstein here. Simplify the scope and scale of your goals, and then simplify again if necessary. Make sure that your goals feel doable, but that they also make you wonder just a bit if you can really go the full distance. That's the sweet spot. If you have absolutely no doubts, it could mean that your confidence is soaring or that your goal is not quite enough to challenge you. Only you can know that for sure. Either way, keep stretching but stay flexible. Allow yourself time to complete your goal and adjust the timeline as needed. And remember to acknowledge your progress all along the way!
7.) Make a clear commitment to yourself and share with an accountability partner.
You've come this far. It's time to take responsibility for your goals by fully committing to the process, and by sharing your commitment with someone you can count on to help you stay the course. The goals you set should be easy to understand and progress should be measurable in some form or another. When you're choosing someone to help hold you accountable, pick a person that works for your personality and preferences. If you need someone to chew you out when you slack off, go for it. That's not my style, so I make sure to choose someone who is honest, insightful, supportive and caring, but that also will not let me off the hook! As coach, this is the way I prefer to help hold my clients accountable to their goals and dreams.
8.) Prioritize it. Schedule it. Do it. Repeat.
Change is hard no matter how motivated you are. You have to make your goals a high priority, and that may mean letting go of other important things in your life for a while. This can be tough for sure, but remember how great it will feel when you can look back and say, "I did it!" In order to get on track, and stay there, you have to schedule tasks associated with your goals. There's no way around it, so don't even try. Suck it up and do the work of blocking out and protecting the time you need to work on your goals. Then do it. No matter what. No excuses. Just do it. And repeat. Although getting used to a new routine takes a little while, it doesn't take nearly as long as giving up now and having to start over again.
9.) Regularly acknowledge your successful progress and share it with others.
This is something a lot of us struggle to do, but it's so important to your success. Don't cheat yourself out of all of the time and energy you've put into your goals. When you make progress, take note of it and tell your accountability partner. If they are excited and happy for you, then you picked a good partner. If not, then pick someone else. You deserve to acknowledge the changes you're making, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Also share your progress with close friends, select co-workers, and a few family members. Above all, allow yourself to experience the feelings of pride and accomplishment for all of your hard work!
10.) Celebrate each and every goal that you achieve. Include friends or family.
When you do achieve your goals (and you WILL), make an event out of it. Have a party at home, a big night out, or take a trip somewhere you've always wanted to go. Invite friends and family and turn it into something you'll always remember. This helps to bring a sense of closure to your goal and enables you to consciously realize that you made it. Celebrating will also encourage you to continue with this goal into the future if it's a long term change, and will boost your sense of confidence about pursuing your next goal. This is the sweet taste of success. Now celebrate it!
Give up on those tired old ways of making changes in your life and start over with an all new approach to goal setting success.
2.) Do it because you want to.
Throw out the "should do's" and let in the "want to's." Make the goals you set for yourself something that you want to do - at least mostly. The more you honestly want to make a change, the more motivated you will be in seeing it all the way through.
3.) Practice being grateful for the good stuff you already have.
Instead of focussing on what's missing from your life, focus on what you already have to be grateful for. Good health, good friends, enough food to eat, water to drink, clothes to wear, the kindness of a stranger, the warmth of the sun, the beauty of your lover, the wonder in your children's eyes, and the list goes on and on. Start small and build from there. Take opportunities for noticing what is good and right in the world. It goes a long way toward helping you feel more satisfied with your life as it is now, while you pursue your goals and dreams into an even better future.
4.) Connect with your values and sense of purpose and passion.
Remember that your goals should move you on a deeper level than just your brain. Take your heart with you and you'll be able to go the distance. Tap into your most important personal guiding principles, deepest reasons for why you have your goals, and the inspiring feelings that keep your fire burning to pursue them. Then there's no holding you back! If you're unsure about what your real goals are, start here and then develop goals that really move you.
5.) Clearly define a specific outcome you want to achieve for each of your goals.
Be as crystal clear as you possibly can about the results you want to see from your goals. Don't settle for any wishy-washy outcomes. Dig in and state your expectations in a way that leaves no room for doubt.
6.) Ensure that your goals are realistic but also require you to stretch.
No need to be an Einstein here. Simplify the scope and scale of your goals, and then simplify again if necessary. Make sure that your goals feel doable, but that they also make you wonder just a bit if you can really go the full distance. That's the sweet spot. If you have absolutely no doubts, it could mean that your confidence is soaring or that your goal is not quite enough to challenge you. Only you can know that for sure. Either way, keep stretching but stay flexible. Allow yourself time to complete your goal and adjust the timeline as needed. And remember to acknowledge your progress all along the way!
7.) Make a clear commitment to yourself and share with an accountability partner.
You've come this far. It's time to take responsibility for your goals by fully committing to the process, and by sharing your commitment with someone you can count on to help you stay the course. The goals you set should be easy to understand and progress should be measurable in some form or another. When you're choosing someone to help hold you accountable, pick a person that works for your personality and preferences. If you need someone to chew you out when you slack off, go for it. That's not my style, so I make sure to choose someone who is honest, insightful, supportive and caring, but that also will not let me off the hook! As coach, this is the way I prefer to help hold my clients accountable to their goals and dreams.
8.) Prioritize it. Schedule it. Do it. Repeat.
Change is hard no matter how motivated you are. You have to make your goals a high priority, and that may mean letting go of other important things in your life for a while. This can be tough for sure, but remember how great it will feel when you can look back and say, "I did it!" In order to get on track, and stay there, you have to schedule tasks associated with your goals. There's no way around it, so don't even try. Suck it up and do the work of blocking out and protecting the time you need to work on your goals. Then do it. No matter what. No excuses. Just do it. And repeat. Although getting used to a new routine takes a little while, it doesn't take nearly as long as giving up now and having to start over again.
9.) Regularly acknowledge your successful progress and share it with others.
This is something a lot of us struggle to do, but it's so important to your success. Don't cheat yourself out of all of the time and energy you've put into your goals. When you make progress, take note of it and tell your accountability partner. If they are excited and happy for you, then you picked a good partner. If not, then pick someone else. You deserve to acknowledge the changes you're making, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Also share your progress with close friends, select co-workers, and a few family members. Above all, allow yourself to experience the feelings of pride and accomplishment for all of your hard work!
10.) Celebrate each and every goal that you achieve. Include friends or family.
When you do achieve your goals (and you WILL), make an event out of it. Have a party at home, a big night out, or take a trip somewhere you've always wanted to go. Invite friends and family and turn it into something you'll always remember. This helps to bring a sense of closure to your goal and enables you to consciously realize that you made it. Celebrating will also encourage you to continue with this goal into the future if it's a long term change, and will boost your sense of confidence about pursuing your next goal. This is the sweet taste of success. Now celebrate it!
If you would like help in achieving your goals, CONTACT me to schedule a free 30 minute session to see if coaching with me could be right for you.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the things that you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
- Mark Twain
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