Category: Recovery

Urban Journeys: The Dharma Center of Oklahoma

3/7/2017

Urban Journeys

This is the first in an occasional series of blog posts where I'll undertake a new and exciting pilgrimage journey to a local religious, cultural, or historic landmark in my immediate area. The purpose of these mini-expeditions is to deepen my faith while broadening my horizons of what it means to live an embodied and committed spiritual life. I hope you enjoy the series and feel free to join the discussion in the comments section below.

A Dharma Destination

I first learned about the Dharma Center of Oklahoma when I was in my initial year of recovery from alcoholism. I had been attending AA meetings regularly and was working my way through the 12 steps with a sponsor. Somewhere around step 11 ("Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out"), I discovered a new world in spiritual life. I started regularly going to the library to check out two or three new books and devoured them like a hungry ghost who was starving from a lifelong lack of soul food. I had stumbled across a few intriguing books about Buddhism, and then I found one that would change my life completely. Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield's classic, "A Path With Heart: A Guide Through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life" was like nothing I'd ever heard of or experienced before. Jack's depth of wisdom, kindness, and humor, together with systematic practices for healing and wholeness, picked up where the 12 steps left off and launched me into an entire universe of rich inner life to explore. That book is what my soul had been waiting for.

“The purpose of a spiritual discipline is to give us a way to stop the war, not by our force of will, but organically, through understanding and gradual training.”
- Jack Kornfield, A Path with Heart

A Homecoming

As I worked my way through the depths and delights of the book, I searched online to see if there were any Buddhist temples in Oklahoma, and sure enough there were. I looked into all of them but felt like the Dharma Center was the place for me to start. Their secular approach and blending of eastern and western cultures was really appealing. From the first few times I visited, I knew this was part of my homecoming. For most of my life, I had felt like an outsider and a stranger even to myself. In recovery that began to change, and when my wife and I moved back to Oklahoma City where most of our immediate family lives, the sense of homecoming was even more tangible. I wasn't raised religious, but had attended Christian churches starting in junior high (off and on), and tried for years to find spiritual enlightenment in the bottom of a whisky bottle. In the end, I found my Divine Home in smoky AA meetings and in the teachings of the Buddha, which then showed me how to commit my life to Christ. Who knew? I couldn't have planned it that way if I tried!

Many Paths One Truth

It wasn't long before I became a member of the Dharma Center. It was so encouraging to find a deep spiritual tradition that also embraced a variety of different paths. As the old Chinese proverb goes, "There are many paths to the top of the mountain, but the view is always the same." Or, as the Japanese say in the Lotus Sutra traditions, "Many in body, one in spirit." Other members were Christian, Catholic, Buddhist, Hindu, Agnostic, Atheist, New Age, None, and other traditions or combinations. At the same time, the teachings were profound and connected strongly with the Rissho Kosei-kai tradition, which originated in Japan in 1938. It was inspiring to play a part in meaningful rituals, wise and timeless teachings, and practical understanding learned within the context of daily life. I felt that most of this had been missing from my experience with the Christian church up to that point, so it was refreshing to find a truly connected spiritual life which was being lived out in community together.

“There are many paths to the top of the mountain, but the view is always the same."
- Chinese proverb

The bell, mokusho wood block, and taiko drum used in chanting services

The Dharma Center street sign, the Buddha, and Kannon (bodhisattva of compassion)

Gone But Not Forgotten

After being a member of the Dharma Center for a few years, I left to join my wife and kids at a local Christian church where it was more practical for us to attend as a family. It was one of the most rewarding times of my spiritual life, and I've made some friends that will last for at least one lifetime. Last year, I was motivated to revisit the Dharma Center by foot in order to set out on my first urban pilgrimage. And I wanted to take along some compelling questions with me for Kris Ladusau, my friend and the Reverend of the Dharma Center, to answer in her own words. The purpose for my journey and these questions was to help me deepen my faith while broadening my horizons of what it means to live an embodied and committed spiritual life. Here's my interview with Reverend Kris:

Me: How do you personally practice living an embodied or committed spiritual life?

RKL: I try to raise conscious awareness daily to realize that every single interaction I have with other people is a chance for enlightenment.

Me: What is the most important thing that people need to know about the Dharma Center?

RKL: I would like people to know that the Dharma Center is an inclusive, welcoming and comfortable atmosphere for anyone wanting to practice the Buddhist tradition, either by itself, or in conjunction with another spiritual path.

Me: What do you think people are looking for in religion or spirituality today? Why?

RKL: I think most people are either looking to maintain a healthy, relevant, spiritual connection or to reestablish one.

Me: What does "life's a journey, not a destination" mean to you?

RKL: I think that hooks back into the earlier mentioning of the continued development of awareness and appreciation.

Me: If you could change one thing in our world today, what would it be? How?

RKL: For me, it's not about focusing on anything changing (because that will occur naturally in this realm). It's more of a wish for all people to acknowledge interconnectedness, and develop insight and compassion to deal with the changes in a healthy manner.

Above: Reverend Kris Ladusau and me standing with the central mantra "Namu Myoho Renge Kyo"

May you be free from suffering.
May you be well in body and mind.
And may you be filled with peace.

What does it mean to you to live an embodied and committed spiritual life? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Charles Gosset is a Certified Professional Life and Leadership Coach (CPC) and founder of Full Integration Coaching, LLC. He helps big-hearted people with huge drive lead exceptional lives. You can find out more about him and the transformational services he offers by visiting: www.fullintegrationcoaching.com.

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Freedom on the Fourth - 4 Tips for Staying Sober During the Holidays

7/4/2015

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The focus: Keeping your sobriety in tact on holidays like the Fourth of July can be tough , especially if you're new to recovery.

The opportunity: With the right perspective and effective strategies, you can celebrate without regrets.

The solution: Use these 4 tips to stay sober and enjoy your newfound freedom, plus know what you did the night before.

Tip 1). Remember What It Was Like

I was a practicing alcoholic for 16 years, and while there were definitely some good times, there came a point where the bad times far outweighed the good. That misery lasted for what seemed like an eternity, one demoralizing day after the next. Black outs, red outs, insane behavior, institutions, and debilitating depression became the party life for me. Been there, done that.

Toward the end of my drinking career, I wasn't the kind of guy you wanted to know after a few drinks. In fact, I didn't want to know me either. I had gone so far off course from who I knew I was deep down inside. The end was coming one way or another, and thankfully in my case, that meant eventually getting sober. Remembering how many times alcohol has been at the center of your problems in the past helps motivate you in positive ways to continue seeking progress in your life.

Tip 2). Don't Try to Do It Alone

I couldn't have gotten sober without my loving wife, who thankfully left one night with our two young daughters because I was so out of control. I'm forever grateful that she did. Her choice to do what was best for her and the kids is what it took to finally crush any remaining delusion in me about my drinking problem. Don't ask me why that was the final straw, I still don't understand it. In the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, they say that "it takes what it takes." That's reason enough.

None of us can get sober and stay that way for any length of time without the help and support of others. For me, that meant getting help from my amazing wife, family, friends, hospitals, institutions, 30 day in-house treatment facilities, mental health specialists, 12 step recovery meetings and sponsorship, and finally living in a halfway house.

The journey is different for every one of us, but one thing is the same. Doing sobriety on your own typically keeps you drinking, whether you want to or not. By asking for help, you are giving yourself the best possible chance of breaking through the denial of addiction. Surround yourself with friends and family members who understand how important sobriety is for you. Whether you go to a party with or without alcohol, be sure to listen to your own inner voice and keep your sobriety first and foremost above everything else.

Tip 3). Do What You Love to Do

Even in my drinking days, I enjoyed being outdoors or in the garden. Granted, it was a lot more challenging to keep up with when I was compelled to drink every day. Now that I'm sober, I have more time to do the things I love to do. Gardening calms my nerves, makes me feel connected, and gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment when I look back on the work I've done. Plus it's an act of letting go and allowing nature to do the rest by producing the final results.

One thing I love even more is playing guitar and singing. There were many times in my alcoholism that I would just look over at my guitar and know that I wouldn't be playing it for a while because my drinking was so heavy. In sobriety, I've reclaimed my passion for music and play almost every day, learning songs and techniques I never could have learned before. Playing guitar and singing reduces my anxiety, helps me to express things that only music can, and is a gift I get to share with my family and friends.

Finding ways to lower stress and increase your sense of self worth is essential to staying sober. What makes you feel good without adding anxiety or remorse? What do you miss that you used to enjoy doing? Think about what really makes you happy and do more of that.

Tip 4 - Do Something For Someone Else

I learned early on in sobriety that looking for ways to make life better for other people is a shortcut to getting out of my own head and letting go of stress, anger, and guilt. Finding small ways to make a difference goes a long way towards staying sober long term. In 12 step meetings, I gradually began to trust fellow AA members and to share more openly and honestly about my experience with alcoholism and the steps. Some of the most meaningful moments in my life came in the dirtiest, smokiest rooms, with the worst coffee I've ever tasted. As I regained trust in myself and other people just like me, I felt like I belonged. I needed that desperately.

Connecting with people inside the rooms showed me how to do the same thing outside of the rooms. I started listening to my wife more carefully, asking friends how I could help in their tough times, and giving my full effort at work. I found out that smiling and showing appreciation to others made everyone feel better, and kept the thought of a drink far away. This habit has become ingrained in me now and is probably the biggest factor in keeping me comfortably sober for the past 9 1/2 years.

Take time to think about small ways you can help others in your life. It can be almost anything, from giving someone a ride to a meeting, to volunteering, to throwing a ball with the kids at a party. The more you look outside of yourself, the more opportunities you will find to help somebody else. Who knows, you might end up a party someday with someone who looks and sounds strangely familiar - a person who can't stop drinking but wants to, even though they don't know how yet. It's the same person you used to look at in the mirror every day, who used to wonder the same thing, but who now has an answer that works.

"We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change."

- Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 83-84

If you would like help in taking your recovery to the next level, CONTACT me to schedule a free 30 minute session to see if coaching could be right for you.

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